As we head into 2021, my household has been preparing for an intentional reset of our purchasing habits and attitudes with a “buy (almost) nothing” year. If you are interested, you can read more about that over here. But, in the mean time, I’ve been reflecting on some of my pandemic purchases and thinking about which ones feel useful, joy-giving, and worthwhile and which ones were really just cheap dopamine thrills. There are some doozies in the “cheap dopamine thrills” category. Here is a selection of my best and worst pandemic purchases.
Bought it, love it, have zero regrets:
AirPods Pro: These were one of my biggest pandemic purchases and one that I use literally every day. I debated about brands but I ultimately went with Apple because I already use Apple products and am familiar with how to navigate their system if something goes wrong. This is not necessarily strong reasoning, but it was where I was at at the time. Telling, no? I use them for both work and personal calls/video conferences and for listening to audiobooks while exercising, putting the baby to sleep, or just tidying up around the house — all thing I used to do with regular corded headphones like a sucker who hates herself. I like the noise cancellation feature so much that sometimes I just leave them in with nothing playing while I am working to drown out some of the work-from-home background noise distractions. 5 stars, would buy again, A+.
A cheap ass but functional waffle iron: This was one of my first pandemic purchases in the early days when everyone else was stocking up on toilet paper and hand sanitizer. I was apparently more concerned about my ability to eat waffles should there be run on irons and I regret nothing. Pretty sure I bought the same $20 model that I’ve used off and on since college, which, if you are curious, was approximately a million years ago, a fact I know because the things I wore and liked then have come all the way back around. A+ purchase. Waffles are delicious.
A Pee Cloth: Look, I was in the Peace Corps. I am no stranger to the ol’ drip dry situation. I’ve used rocks and inadvisable leaves and the good old “eh, just waggle around and shake it off” method. I’m not fussy about most things. Some {PHIL} might call me gross, but you know, that is really a very subjective standard and those of us in the gross community don’t appreciate your judgement anyway. All that to say, getting caught in a no-TP situation isn’t the end of the world to me. But, it also isn’t ideal. Neither is lugging around and properly disposing of toilet paper. So when I was introduced to the idea of pee cloth, I was intrigued. And let me tell you, this little gem is a solid investment for anyone who either likes to hike or just wants to avoid public bathroom situations during Covid. Easy to clean, easy to snap to a backpack, and much preferable to ziplock bags of TP. I got the Kula Cloth but I’m sure there are lots of other comparable brands out there. A++, highly recommend, get yourself one immediately
Crap I bought and regret:
Tap shoes: Who was I kidding? This was so ridiculous I can’t even grade it. Like, I kind of want to give it an A to reward myself for still being an optimist after all this time, but also it deserves an F because it breaks my cardinal rule of not making purchases or setting alarm clocks for my aspirational self.
Knock-off Rothys: Look, I didn’t know they were knockoffs when I bought them. I mean, I should have because they were on sale and Rothys are never on sale and also the website was like imasuperdooperscamdotcom or some non-sense. But I was blinded by the idea of a deal on those pretty, pretty colored flats that I have never really been able to justify spending $100 on. Anyway, I realized my error shortly after clicking “buy” but because it was a scam (DUH) there was no way to cancel the order. Yes, I’m a dum-dum. I thought nothing would arrive but low and behold, a package showed up from China a few weeks later. And for knockoffs, they were actually pretty convincing to tell the truth. But they were also inexplicably the wrong size and color. I did actually find a way to track down the seller and when I asked for a refund, they offered me a single dollar and told me I would need to pay for shipping back to China. After going back and forth with the seller and doing my best impersonation of a lawyer who knows anything about this area of the law (ME: Per blah blah blah, in the case of seller error, blah blah, blah, seller bears the cost of return”. THEM: “Okay okay we will give you $2 but it would be better for you to keep them also you pay to send to China!!”), After faring no better in the dispute resolution process with my credit card company (what is this law degree even good for anyway I ask you????) I gave up. F for me for that big fat fail of a purchase but A+ to those sellers who got my cash $$$.
Cute Baby Halloween Toddler Outfits: I have generally not bought clothes for my kid because we are the lucky recipients of many hand-me-downs and we plan to ride that secondhand wave as long as we are able. But this year I dopamine bought some cute Halloween clothes for my toddler, which was aggressively adorable for like the two weeks they were relevant but then Halloween was over and I was left with a bunch cute ass outfits that no longer made seasonal sense and won’t fit next year. I mean, I’m dressing him in them anyway even though it is now December because waste motherfucking not, but it was definitely a cheap dopamine thrill purchase. Solid C- because they were pretty cute in October and hey, he will only let me do this for so long, right?
A fake air conditioner that is really just like a mini swamp cooler I guess?: In a fit of rage during our annual two weeks of true uncomfortable heat here in the PNW, I bought something marketed as a “personal air conditioner.” My partner made such a fuss about what a waste it was that I doubled down on how I was really going to use it and actually it was a completely reasonable purchase and he didn’t know what he was talking about and wasn’t the boss of me anyway. It was not, I do not, and I’m still mad as fuck about the fact that he did in fact know what he was talking about. And because I am a child, I still have the thing (despite never once having turned it on) in our bedroom out of spite and to prove…something I guess? F- purchase, still mad about it, fuck Amazon and how easy they make buying impulse garbage
The Belly Fish 